It’s the most wonderful time of the year…or is it?!

The expectation of the holidays can put a lot of pressure on an already stressful time of year. Holiday marketing and advertising shows us that the holidays should be fun! We should hang lights with joy and sit by the fire with loved ones in our matching pj’s. This idea that the holidays should be blissful and peaceful can add to our stress when we don’t feel happy or excited about the things we think we should feel happy or excited about.

The hustle and bustle of shopping, cleaning, spending, and family time can stretch us thin; or it might feel like the days are not very different from the ordinary. You might feel lonely, less inclined to participate in festivities, or you might be estranged from family. You could be any, all, or a combination of these things and more. The experience of the holidays can be a total let down.

The holidays can bring so much stress, anxiety, and depression. These things can take a toll on our bodies and minds. This is not uncommon. However, there are things that people can do to help them cope.

1.)   Acknowledging and exploring your feelings.

Are you feeling overwhelmed, sad, worried…? Once you identify the feeling, it is a good opportunity to stop and ask yourself what it is that is making you feel that way?  Are you spending too much money? Is shopping and then cooking just too much? Is cleaning before guests arrive only to have to clean after they leave becoming frustrating? Are you missing someone that has passed away or are you recently separated or divorced?

2.)   Give yourself grace.

You might ask, what does this even mean?! It means to stop judging yourself, give yourself a break, and be kind to yourself. Do you need to do all the cooking? Maybe not, store bought food fills the belly just the same. Do you need to clean the entire house before and after company? Maybe spot cleaning the main floor is all that is needed. Missing someone? Perhaps it is an opportunity to reach out to a friend or volunteer and give back to people that have less than you do.

3.)   Setting Boundaries.

Boundaries can include, but are not limited to, emotional, physical, and financial parameters. Think back to how you have been feeling… what has come up for you? Are you having trouble saying no to all the opportunities to socialize? Is spending too much money going to make it difficult to pay your bills?  Is spending time cooking all day taking away from time with your loved ones? Whatever comes up for you, it might be your body’s way of telling you that a change needs to take place. Now it is up to you to make the changes that you need. Whether that is practicing saying no, giving a gift that is less expensive, or buying cookies from the store, your needs matter.

4.)   Why Do Boundaries Feel So Hard?

Boundaries can be challenging for various reasons. Are you a people pleaser? If so, you are not alone, but what would it be like to please yourself? We live in a world where we receive validation for working hard, not giving up (not even when we feel like we might implode) and giving everyone our time and energy. However, giving ourselves these things is not only good for us, but it is good for the people around us. Have you ever heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup?!”

Maybe you are afraid you will miss out on something fun, like the holiday party, but are you going to be able to have fun when you are exhausted and stressing about all of the things you have to do tomorrow?

Or maybe you have an idea that people will see you differently. If you are someone that has been everything to everyone and you don’t want to let people down, it might be a good time to ask yourself what the belief is behind that?

If you continue to have a challenging time this holiday season, a therapist is a good resource. We can help you learn how to navigate all the feelings that come along with the holiday season.  Change can be difficult and might require a plan for how to deal with the triggers, taking steps to become more proactive in your decisions might help to relieve overscheduling, and learning how to manage your time and focus might be some things that could help. Everyone deserves to enjoy the holidays in a way that makes them more pleasurable. Learning how to identify the things that will best serve you will increase your ability to feel more joy and hopefully more peace.