Intimacy

When you think of intimacy what comes up for you?

People often think of being close to their partner sexually and/or emotionally, but while these are the most thought of, there are more than TEN forms of intimacy. That’s right, more than ten!

Intimacy is a necessary component to healthy romantic relationships. It is also something that can be challenging to maintain. In the beginning stages of a relationship, people might share their most intimate thoughts and feelings, but as relationships progress, this might become something that happens less. Life gets in the way. Employment, children, stress, conflict, and more, might play a role in keeping couples from making intimacy a priority. It can be a source of stress for many couples, but it happens to all of us!

It feels so exciting to be in the honeymoon stage of a relationship, but a honeymoon is short lived, and relationships require effort from both partners. The good news is that it can be done, and it can be fun! Really!!!

The following are types of intimacy:

Emotional – Do you share your innermost thoughts with your partner? Being able to share ourselves emotionally can help us to feel safe and cared for. This requires vulnerability and that can be scary, but with that risk can come great reward.

Physical – While sex is a component of intimacy, it is not all the physical intimacy entails. It can also be rubbing your partners back or giving them a hug. Sometimes, recognizing that your partner is sharing your space and reaching out to hold their hand can make them feel seen.

Intellectual- Do you listen to podcasts, read books, or read the paper? Sharing your thoughts and opinions on topics that you enjoy can be a way to connect. Also, listening to your partner and providing feedback in an engaged way can be stimulating. When we can engage in conversation without feeling judged and when we can accept our partners thoughts with an open mind we are connecting intellectually.

Communication- This is not just talking about the day-to-day things, but it can be. It is also talking openly and honestly about your needs and desires in the relationship. When we feel heard and understood, we are more likely to want to hear and understand our partner.

Conflict – Every relationship will eventually have conflict or what is known as rupture. How do you engage when you disagree? How do you repair? Being able to work through conflict in a respectful way can deepen your understanding of each other. The idea is that you are working through the challenge with the understanding that you are on the same team, not working against one another.

Commitment – This does not mean that you need to be engaged to be married. This can mean working toward a shared goal. Being willing to consider your partner when they are not in your presence and respecting them is commitment to the relationship.

Crisis – How do you get through hard times? Being able to come together, support one another and empathize with one another can help you navigate the challenging time together.

Work – This is where partnership comes in. This can include sharing the responsibility of household chores, taking care of kids and picking up the slack when your partner doesn’t have it in them. Helping support your partner with the emotional load and taking initiative can strengthen a bond.

Spirituality – You don’t have to attend church every Sunday (unless you want to) to build a spiritual connection to your partner. To some , it could be discussing the meaning of life or their connection to art or nature. Maybe looking at the bigger picture of your lives and trying to figure out your purpose. Trying to find meaningful connection to something bigger than yourself opens a door for spiritual connection.

Recreational- Doing things together that you both enjoy like trying different restaurants, hiking, traveling, or playing pickleball…finding your commonalities can be a fun adventure!

Creative –It isn’t what it sounds like, you have to make a piece of pottery (yes, this is a “Ghost” reference). Creativity is about thinking outside the box. You could imagine what your dream home would look like or the places you would like to travel to as a couple. Using your imagination and inviting your partner into that space can be incredibly intimate.

Aesthetic – Experiencing beauty together. What is your idea of beauty? Is it watching a performance or catching a sunset? Being able to appreciate beauty together is a way to connect. Not into the same thing? Take turns experiencing things that your partner enjoys. Witnessing your partner’s joy can also create space for intimacy to blossom.

The more intimacy in your relationship, the more likely you are to be satisfied. We cannot be everything to our partners, but we can continue to strengthen our relationship by being open to the possibilities that allow us to expand our understanding of one another.